Voodoo and other Dieting Dilemmas

I get angry when I am on a diet. I’ll tell you why. When I’m dieting:

1) Nabisco comes out with three new flavors of Oreos. WTH, Nabisco. I want to punch your face.

2) Foodland’s weekly reward is a box of Love’s doughnuts. I am canceling my Maika’i membership immediately in retaliatory disgust.

3) My kids start eating tons of crap food, so much so that Amaya actually groans when Jake pulls out a box of Mac and Cheese. I just want to dive into that Mac and Cheese so I feel like she is being the whiniest girl on the planet.

4) I am eating tons of lettuce. When I am rich I am going to go buy up the salad industry and put it in a trash can.

5) I am not cooking. It’s barely called cooking when you’re eating 300 calorie meals and weighing chicken breasts. Poor girls, they’re only 4 oz.

6) I have not lost one pound while being on this diet for 15 days, 6 hours, and 18 minutes (and doing Insanity). I hate my scale so much but I also feel completely co-dependent.

7) I hate food blogging and all the people I follow on Instagram that take pictures of their food. You people suck.

8) I hate other people eating food. Don’t eat food around me. Even if you are eating salad I will hate you.

9) Editing these pictures was torture.

10) I never have fun.

It’s true. People who eat have more fun.

When we were in Oregon (Before Dieting: B.D.), I was standing in line at Voo doo Doughnuts, experimenting with stuffed burgers, enjoying my mother’s gourmet Japanese cooking, tasting salted caramel ice cream from the Salt and Straw cart, and having lunch at the food truck pod near my dad’s office. I don’t care if Voo Doo Doughnuts’ actual doughnut isn’t the best there is—the toppings save them. Yes, that is a fried fritter topped with chocolate and peanut butter and chocolate chips. Yes, that is a Easy Peasy Lemon Keesey. Yes, that is an Old Dirty Bastard with Oreos. Yes, that is a maple bacon doughnut. I got a little lazy with the photos because I was trying to stuff my face in doughnut orgy. 

Portland has a lot of good sandwiches, which is probably my favorite meal. And that sandwich in the bottom right corner is, actually, a Big A** sandwich. Fries in a sandwich. Tell me that is not the best sandwich you have ever tasted through a screen.

Except the one just on the left of that might beat it. The Schnitzelwich is the European Katsu sandwich, and I appreciate the Horseradish sauce. If I was near this food truck pod I would be in big trouble. My dad and I had a cook off of burger recipes for our July 4th BBQ. I’m not sure which I liked better, but I really like blue cheese in burgers, and American cheese on burgers is much better than cheddar, despite my preferences for real food over colored cheese gelatin. Real pineapple beats out canned pineapple, though.

I’m really lucky my family likes food as much as I do. We even took the kids to two fancy restaurants and ate pork belly dishes at both places. I was much too busy eating to take pictures, so you’ll have to settle for my Instagram (yes! I hate myself!). Mom wanted to try this watermelon popsicles recipe she got off a food blog. It was super cute. I would like to try to make more of a sherbet style one. Lime sherbet, by the way, is highly underrated. Jake and I also ate all through our anniversary, and hiked to a few waterfalls in between.   I have been married to this man for 11 years. I really don’t get tired of him at all, which is the wonder of being married to someone this awesome. He’s been good about picking up the slack since being on a diet makes me completely lazy and pissy. Kind of like what I would be like if I actually had PMS.

Amaya said a couple of days ago, “I want some chocolate, because I’m on a diet. That’s what you eat when you’re on a diet.”

I looked at Jake with my most evil stare and said, “Not. One. Word.”

Eat @ Heeia Pier

I’d heard about Heeia Pier about a million times before we actually made it out there. For one, I’m never in Kaneohe during the middle of the day, and two, I am total moron. For not coming here sooner.

Don’t be a moron. Eat at Heeia Pier.

Most people don’t take the Kaneohe Bay Drive Road. It’s much quicker to go the highway route, and has less curves. Sometimes you’ll get stuck behind a tourist (slowing down at every view) or just Gramma Tanaka on a Sunday drive. But it is a nice view, and if I wasn’t usually racing everywhere I went, I would take this road slow, too.

We decided to hit the pier to go fishing, as Jake just recently got Amaya a fishing pole, and eat at Heeia pier too. I won’t lie. I went for the food.

Fishing is a funny thing for us. I mostly only like my fish raw, and I only trust other people to serve it to me that way, so we don’t buy fish. And then there’s the fact that Jake doesn’t like fish either. We were planning on a catch and release session, but there wasn’t any catching to do.

An older guy caught two fish in the first 20 minutes that we were there, and we didn’t see anyone else catch a thing. We didn’t try too hard, but the kids liked being there anyway.

We also realized that fishing is one of those things adults want to do with kids—fun in theory, but mostly impractical. Between Mozely trying to climb down right by the edge of the water and Amaya running around, not even holding the pole once, we gave up pretty quick.

I went ahead and ordered. I’d heard about The Cheekeater through other Hawaii foodies, and asked for it, since it’s not on the menu. We got guava chicken and grilled beef and a tomato/eggplant salad.I took the pictures in broad daylight because I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth in.

The salad came out first. I didn’t wait. little crispy (fried? toasted) rice grains dotted the well seasoned smoky eggplant and fresh tomatoes. The flavor combination was unreal. I had to try not to eat it all. When my brother in law accidentally dropped 1 little tomato I cried. He got me another salad.

I claimed the first bites of the hamburger. The Cheekeater is named after another chef (his nickname). The burger itself was soft, lined with onions, and so tender it practically fell to pieces as I ate it. The bun was toasted to a perfect crisp. I kept noticing how crispy the inside of the bun was as I was eating—it didn’t turn into a pile of mush at all. 
The burger also had thin slices of portugeuse sausage, bacon, browned spam (or some spam similar product, shredded lettuce, cheese, fry sauce, tomato, and the most beautiful egg ever. The yolk ooze put me over the top.

I didn’t share much. Maybe a few bites. I encouraged the boys to order another. I could have eaten another one, even though I was stuffed.

The guava chicken and beef were also so yummy, but I really only had eyes for that burger. I almost felt bad for them, having to be compared to the Cheekeater.

Eat the Street Kakaako

On Friday I was lucky enough to go to Eat the Street in Kakaako with a friend for her birthday.

I love when I can pretend I’m doing something nice for a friend but really just get to eat whatever I want. Birthdays are so great for that. I recommend them.

Eat the Street is an event where a bunch of food trucks and pop-up food tents gather for a crowd of people who are at least as hungry as I am (organized by streetgrindz).

We basically decided there were no limits and no shame to getting everything that looked good.

Our first stop was Inferno’s Wood Fired Pizza. Yes. They brought their own oven and set up shop. Awesome. We ate the cheese pizza with truffle oil and both of us were stuffing our faces even though it was still too hot to eat. These guys are champs—they were churning out pizza constantly and I know for a fact that rolling out pizza crusts is a pain and a half. They were also offering barbecue pork pizza and I wanted to stand in that line too…

Adam, my friend and wedding photographer, is great friends with Jonas Otsuji, the mastermind behind Otsuji farm’s Hawaiian nachos. I missed out on the kale nachos (tempura fried kale topped with fish and sauce) but the breadfruit nachos were delicious too. I slammed them so quickly, one bite each.

Then we were off to the Tiki Truck. I can’t stay away from this place. I was the last order as they had run out of crack sauce. Lucky me!

I could eat about a dozen of these tacos. The green papaya slaw mixed with the crack sauce is just pure bliss.

Then we were off for some corn (lilikoi butter and parmesan cheese), Ono Pops (WHY did I forget to take a picture? Too busy eating), and then a crepe.

I don’t care if crepes are over done with these kinds of things. And who cares that I can make them myself? I just love a crepe.

Yes, that is a real bottle of nutella. Did that not convince you?

While we were waiting for our crepe I sidled over and bought a bleu cheese slider and ate it. (Ok, so I ate half of it.)

Even though we stuffed ourselves I still bought 4 macarons from La Tour Café, and they were buttery deliciousness. So worth it.

I love outdoor eating events with too many people. We met a couple of friends from twitter @hnlmark @melissa808 @nonstopmari (I missed @edoshiro again! and as I found out later, @chefjay and others… Next time, ok?) and even had a lovely chat woman who somehow connected because of a love of Jamaican men. I love a night out.

What did you do this weekend?

P.S. The workshop with Dianne Jacob is December 10 at Cupola Theatre in Honolulu. Click HERE for more information and to register! See you there!

Ted’s Bakery

I think there is no North Shore food list without Ted’s Bakery.

And said list, is probably not complete, without a recommendation to eat some Ted’s Haupia Pie.

Well, this is my blog. I get to change the rules.

Here’s what you need to know about Ted’s.

It’s packed, a lot of the time. You can wait quite a while for your food these days because everyone knows how good the food is. There are more locals than tourists, which is a good sign.

Get there early. You want a doughnut. Possibly plural. Fresh, plain, glazed. Trust me. Beats out any of those other doughnuts any day of the week. Just writing this sentence is making me wish it was morning so I could have one, or two.

I may, or may have not, bought 2 doughnuts, intending to share with someone, and then conveniently forgot that I was going to share.

The breakfast sandwiches are killer. Probably what makes it is the bread, and basically, everything made with Ted’s bread is good. Sandwiches, burgers, breakfast sandwiches (my personal fave) and the pig in a blanket. Those sell out early too.

I have a friend who swears by the éclair, but if I’m going to get a dessert for later, I make it the

Chantilly Haupia Cake

I’m trying to emphasize this for you. That’s what you want. Some of you may be skeptical about this. Most people just go straight for the pie and never try the cake. If you try the cake, you won’t need the pie again. It’s moist, light, and the chantilly frosting is this addictive pudding-like cool swath of a mix between custard and caramel. Add the Haupia layer in the middle and you’re very happy. This is probably my favorite cake out there. And I do love my cake.

Outdoor seating, again. The kids love running around and chasing the birds. My girl can down a whole breakfast sandwich and part of a doughnut on her own. Is there any question we’re related?

After you’re finished with breakfast and dessert, you can roll yourself on home.

Or if you realize you need to work it off, jump on the bike path. This path runs the length of the road from just before Sunset Beach to Waimea Bay. It’s great for strolling joggers, or just plain walking. While you walk you can fantasize about where you wish you could live, see some excellent views, and get in a couple of fun pit stops. If you want to see Hawaii, walk!

Ted’s Bakery

Google Maps

59-024 Kamehameha Highway, Haleiwa

(808) 638-8207 ‎

Open: Mon-Tue 7am-6pm; Wed-Sun 7am-8pm

Favorite Eats: Chantilly Haupia Cake, doughnuts, breakfast sandwich, hamburger, pig in a blanket, steak sandwich, teriyaki steak plate

Expenses: Baked goods $1-3, breakfast sandwich: <$4, sandwiches $6+, plates $9+, refrigerated drinks, smoothies, and hot coffee also available.

Little Foodie? Whole family friendly. Food to please everyone.

FYI: outdoor seating, take out style. Often busy on the weekends, midmorning and dinner hour is the worst. Get there early for baked goods! Fish and shrimp available as a meal option. Food can take a while to get. Credit cards accepted.

Fiji Market

A stone’s throw away from where I work is Fiji Market. I used to think of this as a place that was kind of my own little secret, even though I see local Tongans and Fijians there all the time, but I thought it was sort of an unknown to tourists.

Well, last time I went there were all sorts of people there, locals and tourists alike.

Maybe it has something to do with the sign they have outside?

Hawaii restaurants love to claim to be the #1 of whatever it is they’re selling. That is usually not true.

But I’ll go ahead and believe that Fiji Market’s curry is #1.

The curry is sold at the back window inside the store. The market is small but the aisles are chock full of common brand goods sold in Fiji and probably other Polynesian islands. I love to walk up and down the aisles while I wait for the curry and try to figure out what everything is. There are a lot of Indian food products, frozen meats you won’t find at the bigger grocery stores (goat and lamb), Edmond’s Custard Powder, Vegemite, spices galore in bulk bags, foreign sodas, and other odds and ends. I haven’t gotten up the guts to buy some vegemite yet.

Here are some of my finds last time. I got the “Crunchie” because I was nostalgic for Australia, where I went for a few weeks in high school.

The curries are chicken, lamb, beef, corned beef, shrimp, and vegetarian. The vegetarian option changes daily, and every time I’ve gone it’s been a different kind. There was a “pea” flavor I didn’t care for (split peas? I think?), but every other time it was great. The flavors have been very different too, not just because there was a different vegetable. This time it was cabbage, and it was basically fried with spices, and I loved it. Often my favorite is the lamb. It is very tender and has a deep flavor. The bones may turn some people off, but I think cooking with the bones is what makes it so good. Just eat around the bones and some extra fat and sop your roti in that gorgeous sauce. The chicken is a yellow curry, and the corned beef is brown and has some great potatoes too. I got the corned beef curry wrapped up in a roti which is an option if you don’t want the whole plate. Certainly the wrap is enough for a normal sized portion for lunch, I think.

(but we like to overdo it around here, so I got two other curries.)

The vegetarian curry is cheaper and it comes with a side of yellow dal soup. The soup has a strong coriander flavor and both of my kids really like it. Every curry comes with tomato chutney which has just a slight spiciness to it. You can get your curry with 2 roti or rice, and you can always get more roti on the side.

Supposedly there are meat pies and sausage rolls selling now, but I haven’t gotten to have those yet because they weren’t available when I went. Sometimes tapioca (the root) is an option too.

Amaya was wary of the curry at first (she says she hates curry—but all our Indian restaurant experiences have told me otherwise) but asked for 2nds and leftovers the next day. She’s a big meat on the bone fan, which means I’ve taught her well.

Fiji Market

56-565 Kamehameha Highway, Kahuku, HI Google Maps

On the right of the sugar mill/gas station

Open 9am-9pm Monday through Saturday

Favorite Eats: lamb curry, roti

Expenses: $8-10 per curry plate (includes rice or roti, tomato chutney), less for a wrap

Little Foodie? Usually mild flavors, soup/dal is a kid favorite in my house

FYI: Take out style, cilantro is a garnish, vegetarian curry changes daily. Browse the shop while you wait. Currently every Yelp! review is 5 stars, which is hard to do. #1!

This is part of a series of posts about North Shore Food.

Tita’s Grill

Tita’s Grill is directly across from the school I work at. As you can imagine, many of the teachers (and students) eat their breakfast and lunch here. I’m not sure if the name is supposed to be pronounced “Tee-ta”, or “Titta” because the implication of the meaning is very different. The signs out front are pretty classic and have that local charm, so I like to think it’s the latter. I’d like to think that a strong, sassy woman is making that bread. So I will.

I can be loyal to good bread. This is the kind of bread that has absolutely no nutritional value and exists only to be absolutely delicious.

You can buy a slice, but c’mon. You gotta just go all in and get the loaf. $5. If you can possibly force yourself to save some, you can make an amazing french toast.

Sweet, a bit of that white bread chew, this hits that absolutely raving carb addict that lives inside all of us.

The bread is awesome. They spread the slice with margarine, but you forgive them the second you sink your teeth into it. All day you can see people walking away with a brown bagged loaf.

You can get a slice for breakfast but you can also get a sandwich for lunch. A melt. There’s pastrami, tuna, and occasionally roast beef. Maybe the Pastrami doesn’t match up to Carnegie Deli, but it is one million times better than what I can buy at the store here. Paired with this perfect bread, I’m happy. The bread is buttered and sauteed, so the cheese is melted too. You won’t even want to give your crusts away.

There are more local style foods here: plate lunches, loco moco, beef stew, sometimes lau lau, and always some great cocoa rice, but I like the sandwich the best. I eat a lot of sandwiches (I mean, every place around here serves killer sandwiches). This one is the decadent version.

As a kid, there were months in a row that I tried everything I could to spend as little time as possible outside. Between the rain, cold, and windstorms, the purpose of existence was about getting in, and getting warm. I do remember many mornings walking to school, violin case in hand, in the rain, my feet hurting from the cold (uphill both ways)….

Now I hardly ever feel like I’m even indoors. In Hawaii we never close the windows. My classroom door opens to the outside (hallways are nonexistent). You can go to the beach even if it’s raining. My pores are basically always open. A/C is a luxury and central air is rare. You can dry your clothes on the line all year long. Winter, if you can call it that, just means that you’re not on the verge of sweat.

I realized, when I was preparing these reviews, that every establishment I went to on the North Shore has outdoor seating (maybe “seating” is a strong word for a few chairs to the side, but that’s what I’m calling it). Some don’t have any indoor area. There’s something to be said for eating in the sun and in a breeze. I’m thinking it enhances the flavor. Plus no dress code and you don’t have to worry about the sand on your feet. It may not be the best place for a first romantic date, but it gets the job done. Hawaii’s pretty good at the whole “no frills” thing. Sometimes it works against you to be too dressed up around here.

And we eat outside. There’s a bit of wildness to it. Like lions on the plain after the hunt. Maybe that explains why I have such a crazy 5 year old. She gets to eat outside whenever she darn well pleases. Maybe she’ll be a tita too.

Tita’s Grill

56-505 Kam Hwy, Kahuku, HI (approximately) Google Maps

Directly across from Kahuku High School and on the right of Kahuku Superette

Open 7am-7pm Monday through Saturday

Favorite Eats: sandwiches, cocoa rice, specials

Expenses: $5-$10 (cheap $1-$2 bread slice, cocoa rice, panipopo, and bread pudding)

Little Foodie? Whole family friendly

FYI: Outdoor seating only, no bathrooms, right by the highway. This is a very local, small establishment, food may take several minutes. Take out style.

This is part of a series of posts about North Shore Food.

Ono Yo

There’s a fantasy I have where I own a frozen yogurt machine. A real one. The kind that they use on Iron Chef and Chopped and the judges grip each other in anticipation of ice cream being made in exactly SEVEN MINUTES. I want one, so, so badly. Just because. And just for me.

Ok, so I’ll share some with you if I get one.

Actually, most likely, I would lock myself in the house with the proper ingredients and never come out again.

I’m sure such a machine costs thousands of dollars, but wouldn’t it be worth it?

Good news: Ono Yo is a frozen yogurt truck a stone’s throw from my work.

Bad news: Ono Yo is a frozen yogurt truck a stone’s throw from my work.

Yup.

I’d driven many hour long trips to Kailua for Yogurt Mama before Ono Yo parked across from my school. But now I can hit it whenever I want, even during my lunch break. And I do.

Sometimes I happen upon an unfortunate establishment who doesn’t know how good frozen yogurt can be. I cringe when I realize that the yogurt I’m about to eat is, somehow, water based. That stuff just tastes nasty. You can tell because it’s translucent and always claims, “Low fat!”

Instead, Ono Yo is creamy, tangy (made with Greek yogurt), and enlivened with fruity fresh flavors, found locally. How’s that for a tongue twister?

“Ono” means “delicious” and it is. This place is more interesting than your average frozen yogurt place because its flavors are more island-based. The fruit flavor of the day is usually made with a locally found fruit, and often is not one you see every day, especially on the mainland. There is nothing synthetic about the taste. So far, jackfruit has been my favorite flavor. Apparently it was a pain in the butt to deal with, but I hope they’ll have it again. Strawberry comes around pretty often, as does Acai. I want to catch Lilikoi day soon. There are cute little kiddie chairs and adult chairs too, with some umbrellas to keep you from baking (Kahuku, if you didn’t know, is hot this time of year). Oh, and Giovanni’s shrimp is a stone’s throw away from Ono Yo, so you can make a meal out of the afternoon. For you townies, the hour drive would be worth it.

I’ve decided that I like this yogurt best plain or simply dressed, but they do have a large variety of more natural toppings than the brand cereals and candies you see at many frozen yogurt shops these days. The caramel, honey, and chocolate hazelnut toppings are very nice. Amaya’s favorite is plain with dulce du leche topping. She never wants to share with me.

Mozely doesn’t want to share with me either, but he doesn’t have a choice since I don’t buy him his own. I try to eat quickly before he can eat more than me.

They try hard to stick with local and organic when they can. Anahola Granola is a nice touch, and Waialua sodas line up at the window.

I guess it will do, until I get my very own commercial yogurt machine. 

Ono Yo frozen yogurt

56-505 Kam Hwy, Kahuku, HI (approximately) Google Maps

Parked in the field to the left of Kahuku Superette.

Open 12 pm – 7 pm Monday through Saturday

Favorite eats: Jackfruit, soursop, plain. Chocolate hazelnut sauce. Flavor changes daily based on available seasonal fruits.

Expenses: $3.50 (+ tax) – $6 Toppings are .50, creations (a mix of toppings) are a better deal.

Bonus: Local and Organic where possible

Little Foodie? Whole family friendly

FYI: outdoor seating only, check facebook page for daily flavors (1 fruit flavor and plain, every day) and last minute closings. No bathroom, obviously. Lunch can be found close by.

Facebook Page

This is a series of posts about food on the North Shore. Stay tuned.